Going (Almost) Vegetarian

I’m not ready to commit 100% but I think I need a break from the whole high protein way of life for awhile. It doesn’t seem to be working for me. I don’t feel as good on a low carb diet as I do when I limit meat. I don’t care what is popular in weight loss any more. I feel best when I concentrate on eating whole foods-mostly fruits, veggies, and dairy. So for the next 3 months I’ll be eating mostly vegetarian and vegan dishes. I’ll see how it goes. I now believe even more that plant based is best.

Slow and Steady

After doing more research about nutritional deficits in those of us with inflammatory conditions I am more convinced than ever that even though I am trying to improve my diet by eating lest processed food and increasing my veggies and fruits I’m not hitting my nutritional mark. According to some internet research I’ve been doing it is quite possible that I may need more than the average “healthy” person for my body to function at its optimum.  I have gone from counting calories, trying the primal diet, clean eating, ect all in an effort to get back to a healthy weight.  Right now I am about 25 lbs down from my heaviest and I still have at least 20 to go.  I’m sure I can go on some quick fix diet and lose the excess weight by summer only to find myself in a constant yo-yo state trying to maintain my target weight.  So I am about to Frankenstein a diet that I think will work for me.  I plan to go back to a vegetable based diet.  I will keep my carb count at 150 or less every day, and I will allow myself 1 fun size piece of candy a day to keep me from feeling too deprived.  I will continue to eat poultry and fish but stay away from red meat.  I have vegetarian leanings and I am hoping to one day completely phase meat out of my diet. Right now I’m afraid to do so because I hardly ever hit my recommended daily allowance of iron without giving up meat.  Until I find and incorporate enough iron rich veggies in my diet to meat at least half my recommended daily allowance I will be keeping some meat in my diet.  In addition to really concentrating on keeping my diet clean and vegetable based I will work out at least 3-4 times a week.

Health is a journey and unfortunately there is no quick fix.  I am going to have to understand there will be no 4 lbs lost in a week.  It will be slow and steady for me but I believe eating healthy and exercising will get me where I need to be.  I believe that the long term commitment needed to lose weight in this manner will become a habit and a way of life.  I want a healthy lifestyle more than to look good in a bathing suit this summer.  And who knows, I may even make it to my bikini body by late summer anyway.

One More Pill

I decided to keep a food diary as part of my overall return to health.  Calorie counting has been an invaluable tool in helping me lose weight.   However, I had a sneaky suspicion that my eating habits, while greatly improved, were not good enough so that all my nutritional requirements were being met by my current “improved” diet.   And thanks to my cell phone’s fitness app, I was able to track both my calories and nutrient uptake for a month and a half.  Doing this confirmed what I had been suspecting all along.  I don’t get enough nutrients in my diet.  Sure, I’ve been staying close to my recommended caloric uptake but after 6 weeks of tracking my daily nutrition I didn’t meet my recommend daily allowance for iron once.  At least a few days a week I don’t get enough protein.  And to make matters worse the only vitamins I consistently reached 100% on were Vitamin C, D, and folic acid.  And that is not acceptable.  It seems that those of us with rheumatoid arthritis are considered to be at nutritional risk according to Johns Hopkins.  And I can see I definitely fall into that category.  Tracking my food has been a great wakeup call for me.  Eating better isn’t good enough.  I have to consistently eat well with the knowledge that even if I don’t feel well and maybe because I don’t I need to make better food choices.  Until I figure out how to meet my nutritional requirements from whole foods while reducing calories I will be adding one more pill to my daily routine-a multivitamin.

This and That

So last Thursday I got a phone call at work. The message was incomplete but what was relayed to me was there had been a fire in my apartment complex and my apartment had been involved. So I broke a few laws speeding home imagining the worse only to find out that my apartment didn’t actually catch fire. It was the one beside me. Although my house was filled with smoke nothing was burned which was a huge relief. Even though my apartment was still standing it was filled with smoke to the point I had to sleep with the windows open in December! I had some cleaning to do to try and lessen the smokey smell but I was determined to make it to the Arthritis Foundation’s Jingle Bell Run.

It was everything I hopes it would be. It was a great boost to my spirits to see so many survivors of this horrible disease gather on a cold Saturday and defy the the beast by walking/jogging to raise awareness and monies to find a cure. I felt energized by the enthusiasm of the crowd and finished my 5k in 50 minutes. Next year I hope to come in at about 45 minutes.

And then I wrecked my car on Monday. So needless to say that the last week has been filled drama-some good and some bad. My RA has been behaving better than I expected. Sure I’ve been achy and had more pain than normal but I feel fortunate that I’ve not been pushed into a full blown flare.

Playing Catch Up

So much has happened in the last month! I’ve wanted to blog but I’ve got so much swimming around in my head that I don’t know where to begin.

First off, my RA has been weird lately and it seems as if my toes are now it’s primary target rather than my hands and knees like before. I guess after 8 years of having a relationship with Mr. RA he decided to switch things up to keep me on my toes. Still, all things considered, I am doing well in my disease management. So I still get to walk in the Jingle Bell Walk tomorrow for the Arthritis Foundation. This is my first year doing this and I couldn’t be more excited.

I’m still working in post about health, my return to the gym, and how my job and mental health really impact my quality of life with chronic illness. Hopefully I’ll get those published soon!

Emotional

English: Jump! Deutsch: Spring! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sometimes you have to move on.  Not because the person or situation has been resolved.  Not because you have been heard or because your feelings and concerns have been violated.  Sometimes you have to move on simply because it is the best thing for your health.  This decision must be made when emotional stress manifests itself physically.

Today, as I sat stewing about a situation at work I realized that my RA symptoms had gone from background noise to loud and intrusive.  It seemed the more I agonized over the problem the more physical pain I found myself in.  I have always known that stress was a trigger for me, but today really hammered the lesson home.  I went from slightly stiff to having joint pain that made me catch my breath when I made certain movements.  It was in that moment that I had to make the decision if being vindicated about a work altercation was worth hours or perhaps days of pain due to prolonged flare brought on by stress.

So I had to let the situation rest.  Not because I wasn’t right, or I felt that my grievance was unfounded.  I instead chose to preserve my life outside of the work environment.  I want health and a full life.  And for right now, this means that some skirmishes will be conceded so that I may win the war and achieve my goal of a healthy life!

Counting

So I’m back to counting calories.  After all, it is the tried and true method in weight loss.  I read somewhere that all diets, no matter how they are packaged, at their core are different methods to reduce calorie consumption.  Whether it is eliminating calorie dense foods such as carbs or highly processed foods the net effect is calorie reduction. Eating more than your caloric output, no matter how healthy or low carb the foods are, will end with weight gain. So I have decided keep a food diary and record the approximate calorie count of everything I eat and drink.  My handy dandy Lose It! app has been a great tool in doing this.  It has set my calorie count at 1406 daily and if I add exercise I get to “eat back” those calories-which is a great motivator to get off my butt and do something even when I don’t feel like it.

Does this mean that I am done eating clean?  NO!  Clean eating, for me, is about making sure that I get the nourishment my body needs.  I want to reduce the non-food elements in my diet.  I don’t believe eating a diet high in man-made foods is the best for MY body.  I believe that I will be healthier overall if I get my nutrients from whole foods rather than enriched foods.  But while eating clean will be a clean element in my return to health, it will no longer be what I rely on for weight loss.  For the weight loss portion of my journey to health I think tracking my calories is my best option.

Still Here

Runners Take Your Mark (Photo credit: Dru Bloomfield – At Home in Scottsdale)

Wow!  It’s been a while.  I’ve thought about blogging often but life (mainly work) has been getting in the way.  But on the plus side, I have not abandoned my journey to health.  Last month I signed up to walk the Jingle Bell Run/Walk for Arthritis. I’m really excited because this will be my first 5K ever!  No, I won’t be running.  I am not in good enough shape to even think about running.  Besides, as many arthritis sufferers know winter is not when we are at our peak.  Even though I am in “training” and I’m practicing walking 3 times a week I know my December 7 5K will be a challenge physically.  But I am still very enthusiastic about raising money to help find a cure for arthritis while improving my physical fitness at the same time.

I have discovered some interesting health related discoveries while I have been away.  I have been researching normal weight obesity, intermittent fasting, and resumed counting calories.  This doesn’t mean I have abandoned my goal of eating mostly clean, but the excess weight needs to go now.  I have set the small goal to lose 15 lbs by Christmas this year as a gift to myself. It’s doable.  I just have to apply myself and use every trick in my arsenal to get there.  I don’t want to do any fancy cleanse or fad diet that will have me regaining the 15 plus 5 more in a matter of months.  I am looking for habits that I can use throughout my weight loss and health journey.

Stay tuned for more updates!

Residual Self-Image

poster for The Matrix (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was thinking about the movie the Matrix the other day.  You know the part where Neo is being shown exactly what the Matrix is?  When he suddenly finds himself in the training program appearing exactly as the person he was before he was freed.  His hair is back, the holes in his body are gone, and even his clothes change to reflect who he was-not who he actually is in the present.  His residual self-image- not who he is but who he remembers being.

I think everyone on a certain level has a residual self-image.  Maybe it is a happier you, a slimmer you, a healthier you, a younger you. Or perhaps it is someone who had an energy level or a motivation level that you can only dream about.  No matter what the image of ourselves that we hold dear to our heart-the one we can’t let go- it affects the standards that we hold our true self up to daily.

What I should be able to accomplish on my to-do list and what I am actually able to accomplish are two different things.  I have begun to wonder if I ever had the capability to be that productive or has the reality of who I was become warped over the years. How badly have I distorted what I should be able to accomplish in a 24 hour period?  Is it fantasy or my residual self-mage makes me more discontent with my present state?

My body certainly doesn’t resemble my residual self-image.  In my mind and in my dreams I am still that fit woman with the 25 in waistline and the toned body.  The girl who spent 1 ½ hours to 2 hours 4 times a week working out.  The girl who couldn’t imagine wearing double digit size clothes and was once told she was too tiny now says a silent prayer to see a size 10 and thinks of the joy it would bring her.  The woman I picture in my mind and the woman I see in the mirror seemed to cause my brain to overload.  It is hard to process that the woman I see in the mirror is what has become to the woman I hold near and dear to my heart.

Some days I feel that the remembrance of who I was only serves to make me more discontent in the present.  Other days my residual self is an inspiration of who I may be again-one day.  Other days I am fairly sure that I will land somewhere in the middle.  After all, even without RA I am no longer in my 20’s. That girl is gone for good.  But what I hope, what I pray, is for the new self that I am slowly building to be better than who I used to be. I will be wiser, emotionally stronger, more loving, and more supportive to those around me.  I want health more than the perfect body.  I want depth.  I want a new better  me more than I want to return to who I used to be.

Ready

Are you ready?

Those three words seem to be on my mind a lot lately. I was having my annual discussion with a group of friends about where we vow to be in bikini shape for summer. This is the same conversation we have had every January for the past three years. We start out enthusiastic for the first few weeks of the New Year only to see our commitment to a healthy lifestyle wane in the weeks leading up to summer. We find reasons why ice cream with lunch is ok 2 or 3 times a week. We begin sharing new restaurant choices rather than swapping workout stories. By June we find ourselves in the same place we were the year before. Unhappy with the extra weight and self -conscious about the more revealing clothes during the summer, we always vow that next year will be different.
Yesterday I realized that I had changed. Even if I didn’t have the support of my friends I was ready to stop making excuses about my weight and lack of physical fitness. I understood that I was finally ready to get serious and do what I know that I need to do to get this weight off once and for all. Not because I want to wear a bikini this summer (even though I do) but because I am tired of being unhealthy.

I had this resolution in the back of my mind when I went to my appointment with my rheumatologist. I was honest with him in letting him know that although I wasn’t doing bad I wasn’t doing as well as I had been doing in the past. He asked me was I ready to increase my dose of MTX to 25mg? And I said yes. Part of me being healthy is taking care of my disease. I had been dreading this increase in medication as some sort of failure on my part. But sitting in his office today I had better clarity. I had to make a choice for health-which means getting this disease under control before I end up in a prolonged and painful flare. I will now be injecting .5 ml of MTX two times a week. This is the best choice for my health.

So today I can say with conviction that I am finally ready to make the changes in my diet, work out plan, and drug regimen that are needed to keep me healthy. I am no longer waiting for a support system to get on board with my plans. After all- I have the most to lose if I do not support and nurture my health. Who knows, maybe my decision to move on ahead of them will inspire them to catch up.