I am finally going of vacation! It’s not a huge deal, but a friend I are spending the weekend shopping and eating great food. Nothing overly fancy but it’s a nice excuse to get out of the area and do something fun. I’m not too worried about navigating the big bad city for shopping. I’m not even worried about my feet and knees taking the punishment of going from store to store in search of a great pair of shoes. The thing that has given me pause is probably the silliest and most vain thing possible. I am kind of embarrassed at taking my meds with me on the trip.
I know that sounds completely shallow and it is. My medications allow me to function somewhat normally. I tend to downplay and discomfort that may be noticed by others and on those occasions when I cannot hide my disease I lock myself inside my apartment until I can. Very few people who know me think of me as having anything more than a limp from time to time. Yes, they may mention a RA drug commercial they see from time to time but I make an effort to let very few people into the private battle that I fight on the daily basis.
But spending time with my friend on vacation means that this shroud that I have placed around my daily fight with an autoimmune disease will be ripped away. I will take my MTX injection early and not split the dosage. So instead of bringing a syringe and bottle of chemo with me I will take the full dosage earlier in the week. But I still have to take my daily plaquenil along with the folic acid and Vitamin D. They will be in their normal Sunday-Saturday pill box. I will also be taking a new bottle of A.dvil. I have my rheumatologist’s permission to take an insane amount of the stuff to control pain and swelling which is a probability during this shopping excursion. There is a possibility that my swollen hands and toes will be on display. There is a chance that I will not be able to hide my chronic illness. My friend knows that I have RA-but she may really know after this trip. And for some reason this leaves me feeling exposed. Silly I know, but true.
For now I will focus on shopping which I love. I will eat great food-which I love. And I will enjoy this girls weekend with a friend of over 15 years. And I will hope and pray that the one thing I leave at home on this vacation is my chronic illness!