Self Destruct Mode


I guess I should begin this post by saying I love pseudo-educational reality television.  You know the type of show that masquerades itself as educational but is just as brain numbing and brain cell killing as H.oney B.oo B.oo Child.  I get my reality fix from such gems as H.orders, My Strange A.diction, and I.ntervention, and E.xtreme Cheapskates.  These types of shows come along with the prerequisite train wreck cast of characters along with a heaping helping of pop psychiatry.  It’s the expert observations and commentary that elevates these shows to the “educational” realm.


Anyhow, I have been consuming mass quantities of these “educational” shows for the past few months. What stands out to me is that in many of these shows the addictions are really the individual’s way of self-destructing. They know fully well that the path they are on does not end well yet they are unwilling and/or unable to change their behaviors.  They kick, scream and lash out to remain in the same space both physically and emotionally that will ultimately destroy all their relationships and ultimately may cost them their lives.


Right now I am choosing to self-destruct via RA.  I have discontinued all medications.  I just can’t make me take them.  I have stopped exercising regularly although I know that RA is can affect the heart and I need to be diligent about my cardiovascular health.  I know that even though I am not in a major flare I am symptomatic and I could be doing irreversible damage to my joints. But I just can’t make myself stop my self-destructive behaviors right now.  I don’t know if it is the need for control in my life or the fact that the “cure” is just as bad as the disease right now.  I am just aware that my behavior right now screams self-destructive.  I also know that I can’t stop.  I think I need a RA-intervention.  Now that would be a show I would watch!